hecate’s torches

Claudia recently asked me a question that I have literally feared for almost twelve years. When I asked her if she was ready for the answer, I answered her. I expected, as I had for eleven years, a storm of tears. Instead she ran at me laughing with joy, embracing me.

Béla is also processing a lot. He shared with me on his birthday a ritual he has been doing to honor his birth mother for years. That I am the person they trust with these moments is the greatest wealth I could ever know. There is simply no higher moment in life.

Claude had a decision to make recently and I told her to make it and that I trusted her choice would be right for her — and was rewarded with such love and trust in return that I can’t even express what it was like. I can’t even express it.

They are so much older now. I don’t know who has the quote about how people may not remember what you say or do but they will remember how you made them feel and oh my word have I hit the jackpot. Something has changed lately; some dam has broken. “Why are you hugging me constantly?” I asked Claudia last night, after about a year of air hugs and “embarrassment” at public affection. “It’s not constant,” she argued.

She argues.

Today I got things ready for dinner while they sat for longer than I can ever remember, silently doing math. Usually they want to be within two feet of me and everything is in twenty minute intervals. Not today. They did very independent schoolwork, then we began reading The Rabbit Princess aloud, and for awhile we sat singing along to videos while Béla embroidered on my left side, and Claudia read The War Nerd Iliad on my right.

Today was just… different.

It was Election Day and Béla and Marble began the day poll-watching.

When a break from writing was needed, Béla spent it embroidering Hecate’s torches onto a tiny charm and surprising his sister with it on a necklace.

I didn’t get video of it yet but Béla’s needlework style involves all four limbs. I really will get video.

Joe Cox, win it tonight for all of us.


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